The Adult Weather Channel
George Kranz, UPI Every now and
then I'll be visiting a neighbor's home, having a drink
and chatting with other guests while someone idly surfs
up and down 256 or so cable or satellite channels. Rarely
is there anything worth watching; in fact the offerings
seem only slightly less vapid than the historical trinity
of CBS, NBC, and ABC. The only channel which seems to
regularly offer useful or potentially useful information
is the weather channel ( TWC ). Unfortunately the
delivery is so deadpan that after about 5 minutes one's
eyes start to glaze over. How to
repackage the information in a more appealing format ?
The solution: A synergistic combination of pornography
and meteorology which I propose to name "The Adult
Weather Channel" ( TAWC ). This proposed
station combines the lighthearted entertainment of
hardcore pornography with the public service of accurate
and timely weather information. Here are a few sample
programs: "The
Double Handjob Forecast" - here a gorgeous gal
with perfect coiffure, makeup, and low cut evening dress
sits at the news desk reading national weather info from
a teleprompter. At each side an enormously hung guy
stands next to her, elevated if necessary by a small
footstool, so that her head and their swollen members are
level. As she reads she gives each guy a vigorous
handjob. Both men have been denied any sexual release for
a minimum of 1 week to maximize the volume and velocity
of the impending discharge. As each man groans and
ejaculates he is immediately replaced by a fresh and
eager duplicate. After the girl's hair, shoulders, and
cleavage are a hopeless mess, she signs off thanking the
viewing audience and the 20 or so young guys that
"dropped by" to help out. "Rectal
Storm Track" - this would be an emergency
broadcast. In the event of a major hurricane, flood, etc.
the regular program would be interrupted by an ominous
tone. A foxy gal, chosen especially for her beautiful
ass, would appear dressed in a halter top and denim
miniskirt. She says something like "This just in
from TAWC Storm Tracking Center - it now appears
hurricane Hillary will hit Miami in the next hour".
She smiles seductively and adds "And "Business
Travel Blowjob Update" - this program assists
the harried business traveler with wardrobe selection,
contingency planning, etc. The show opens with a random
selection from one of Bach's Brandenburg Concerti. The
camera pans a long line of studs sitting on a locker room
bench with flaccid members hanging from unzipped flies.
At the end of the bench is a British beauty who bears
more than a passing resemblance to Lady Di. She
announces: "Hello, good evening and welcome to
Business Travel Blowjob Update. At the end of this show
two things will have happened, one, you will have all the
latest weather info from the world's business capitals,
and two, each of these studs you see here will have
violently climaxed all over my eagerly waiting lips. Now
lets get down to business shall we ?" As she
starts fellatio on the first lucky guy, she pauses every
30 seconds or so to read from a teleprompter:
"Anchorage, Alaska 22 degrees Fahrenheit, cloudy...
Beirut, Lebanon 85 degrees Fahrenheit, sunny, etc. etc.
". When each guy launches a monster wad into her
perfectly made up face she faces the camera with a
totally blissed out smile on her messy face, then moves
one man further down the bench. After "Zurich,
Switzerland 34 degrees Fahrenheit, sunny" she winds
up with "Well that's all the time we have. Thanks
ever so much loves. ". The camera pans the bench as
the guys wave goodbye, grinning from ear to ear. I
imagine the channel would have several million regular
subscribers worldwide. Are there any interested venture
capitalists out there ?
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