Punishment for Bill

   Alas, by the time this is posted Bill C.'s fate may have been already decided by an august cadre of our best leadership. In the spirit of non-partisan cooperation I offer the following scenario to replace any and all legislative sanctions against our beloved president.   
     First, Billy C. has to appear 7 days in a row on the floor of the Senate wearing a special suit. This suit is basically a deep sea diving costume with a clear spheroid bell ( helmet ). From the body of the suit several dozen 2" plastic hoses lead out into the desk/seating area of the floor. These hoses are connected to porcelain platforms that superficially resemble toilets. In fact, these platforms are hollow chambers with buttock sized seats equipped with strong electric fans. Any time during this week that members of the Senate feel so inclined they may seat themselves on the nearest such device and proceed to faurt their hearts out.  
Weight sensors wired to the seats trigger the electric fan motor which propels the odiferous charge directly into the president's suit. C-SPAN cameras record the presidents every grimace and facial tick.   
     Also, outside on the street carnival barkers hawk tickets to the general populace, offering them 15 minute "seatings" during which they may express their views. Purveyors of rancid hot dogs and lukewarm beer help to insure a certain degree of flatulence. This also provides some much needed employment to the large D.C. homeless population.   
    On the eighth day a special WWF (World Wrestling Federation)  event is held, a once in a lifetime match between Bill Clinton and  Walt Hubbel. Clinton appears in a pink leotard with his hair dyed blond and wearing garish drag queen makeup. Hubbel is dressed in the more or less standard WWF grim reaper costume of black leotards, hooded black cape and black face paint. The MC enters the ring and announces "In the left corner, the one and only El Presidente" (the crowd boos) "And in the right corner, the Avenger of Whitewater, the one, the only, the colossal El Hubbelero" (crowd cheers). Several rounds of the usual WWF nonsense ensue. Just before El Hubbelero is declared victor he takes out and puts on an enormous strap-on dildo. As the crowd roars with delight he announces "And now, El Presidente, I'm going to show you something I learned in the Federal Pen !". As the vanquished and tearful Clinton lies face down on the mat, Hubbel rips the seat of his leotards out and proceeds to butt fuck him for two more rounds.  The audience stands applauding with tears of joy in their eyes as El Hubbelero is declared victor. The camera cuts to a closeup of the shit and blood smeared dildo, then back to the prostrate El Presidente. Spectators are allowed into the ring to urinate on the sobbing wretch on their way out of the stadium. A McLaughlin Group analysis of the match serves as post-game show.   

George Kranz 

UPI  Splooge, Wyoming