"A Niggard Hanging From Every Streetlight" 

    The demise of the English language proceeds pell-mell in our nation's seat of government. Washington DC, home of such intellectual giants as Marion Barry 
( honorary Ph.D. from Patrice Lumumba University ), leads the way yet again in the dumbing down of public discourse and the Orwellian redefinition of language. 
    I am referring of course to the recent news flurry surrounding the white city government employee who was pressured to resign after several melanotic interest groups howled when he used a difficult three syllable word they did not understand in a public meeting. The word: "Niggardly". 
    I can see the scene now. The D.C. City Council is assembled around a bonfire of encyclopedias and dictionaries in full war costume of ostrich feathers, shark teeth necklaces, spears and shields. As the Grand Poo-bah announces,  "Dis jive ass honky done dissed de whole blaaaaack pop-oolation", the councilmembers express their approval by banging the spears on the floor and shouting "Ooga booga". The poo-bah surveys the room, sensing unanimous approval. He speaks, "Den it be resolved dat we fire his white ass. Meetin' is uhjoorned". Later a crew of carpenters is brought in to repair the burns in the floor and lay new carpet. New encyclopedias and dictionaries for the next meeting are shipped over from the 
Library of Congress. 
    Personally, I think the U.S. military should use everything in D.C. east of New Hampshire Ave. and north of Massachusetts Ave. as a live ammunition training ground in counter-guerilla warfare. The amount of gunfire would hardly change. In fact, except for the presence of olive drab uniforms, life would go on pretty much the same. This, along with free abortions for the natives, would also help keep the local population in check. It's a win-win situation,  think about it.

                                      George Kranz                                      

Leopoldville-on-Anacostia