Gay Scouting, 2000 A.D.


 

     Recent news concerning the Boy Scouts of America's obligation to hire gay Scoutmasters has caused this reporter's sanity alarm  to go off. The judge in question is either a fucking queer or some desiccated cunt psychotic lesbian. Just how thoroughly has this been thought out I ask ? I can see it now: merit badges for fellatio, analingus, and interior decorating ; butt fucking and toasted marshmallows around the evening campfire ; wilderness survival lessons where the boys are taught how to craft condoms from animal intestines and skunk cabbage leaves. I mean how would you like to send your son off to Scout summer camp and receive this letter from his Scoutmaster ?
     
      "   Dear parent,
      Young Andrew has been making excellent progress this summer.
      Although still shy about accepting his partner's ejaculate, 
      Andrew's fellatio skills have improved markedly here at 
      Camp Sodomotowa. Always an eager participant in the fireside
      butt fucking, Andrew has learned to accept both active and  
      passive roles with equal enthusiasm. I'm sorry to report 
      however that Andrew has no taste at all for interior 
      decorating. The decor of his tent reeks of ( ugh ! ) military
      simplicity, and he shows none of the flair of some of the
      older boys who have adopted Arabian or Mediterranean motifs.
      Andrew frequently joins me in listening to Bette Midler 
      tapes on my portable cassette deck in the late evening and I
      look forward to rearing him ( no pun intended ! ) during the
      coming weeks.
                                     Sincerely,
                                     Brucie Bassinette, B.S.A. "

     Is this the Boy Scouts of America that Baden Powell would have wanted ? I sincerely doubt it.  And what of the Girl Scouts ? Surely they must now be compelled to accept male troopleaders, no ? Now that's a job many men might want: off in the woods for several weeks with cute 13 and 14 year old nymphettes. I can almost picture myself showing a young
Cindy Crawford how to keep warm on winter camping nights, or reviewing the advanced test portion of the fellatio merit badge with a young Kathy Ireland. Ah, sweet are the uses of diversity ! 
         
                                     George Kranz
                                     UPI Vaseline, Idaho