Ants, Bees, and other Scum  

George Kranz,

UPI Dugway, Nevada  

       Ants do it well. Bees do it better. But the society of Homo Sapiens is a sorry example of colonial structure. This is good however - that structure which, through the Darwinian lens, we see has obviously served the class Insecta well for hundreds of millions of years, is the worst of all possible "life styles" for bipedal intelligent apes. Despite the best efforts of many evil goons (Hitler's SS, Stalin's NKVD, Clinton's ATF, etc.) human beings do not respond well to serious attempts to collectivize their behavior. To be sure there are occasional success stories - high in a crumbling tenement tower the welfare queen spewing forth her gangsta larvae while down below in the streets her 11 and 12 year old drones are buzzing with criminal activity - even if they happen to be micro-environments supported by AFDC. As the 20th century draws to a close we can see the cumulative effect of these state-of-the-art equipped goon squads ever more frequent and intense attacks. The resultant deadening of creativity and suppression of the individual insure that the main legacy of this century will be appalling vomit like Auschwitz, suburban shopping malls and the Lawrence Welk show - dead games for dead players.   
  
     To liven things up a bit I suggest legalizing all drugs, maybe a constitutional amendment asserting the right of each citizen to eat, smoke, inject or shove up their own asshole, any chemicals, plants, or invertebrates that they so choose. Think of the fun! Each evening gaily painted vending trucks roll through the neighborhood, bells-a-tinkling. At each stop the vendors (all retrained former narcotics officers) are greeted with welcoming crowds of eager customers. Next morning the same trucks, driven this time by work-release inmates, roll through the neighborhood collecting the corpses of overdose and suicide victims. The week's bodies could be burned at half-time at the local football stadium, or maybe reprocessed into fertilizer for marijuana and opium farmers. Society could rid itself of its most stupid say those unable to read and comprehend an LD-50 in a PDR, instead of being guaranteed that they join the already swollen ranks of state and federal civil service.  

        The art scene in America today could also benefit from rampant drug use. Picture this: Seiji Ozawa is guest conducting the New York Philharmonic on Christmas Eve, a special program of holiday music broadcast live. With his back to the audience he raises both arms high poised to begin the first number. Instead of a baton in his right hand though, both hands are holding small Uzi machine pistols with 30 round clips. In an unannounced change of program the orchestra strikes up a turgid, obscure atonal piece by Arnold Schoenberg. Just as the audience's impatience seems ready to erupt into riot Ozawa empties both clips into the orchestra and turns to face the audience, grinning with demented joy, an erect penis protruding from the unzipped fly of his tuxedo trousers with a strand of jizm hanging precariously. As he's hustled off by paramedics, Connie Chung manages to ask him "Mr Ozawa, can you tell us what happened here tonight?" Ozawa just has time to reply "Connie, just my very, very best performance." Later in an exclusive interview with Montel Williams at the Betty Ford Clinic, Ozawa reveals that he had been pretty fucked up on sake and scopolamine for several years.    

Maybe Leonard Cohen best summed it up when he wrote: "Gimme crack and anal sex. Take the only tree that's left, And shove it up the hole In your culture. " 

Later,

           George Kranz