GeorgeKranz.com is proud to present....
128 Placenta Place This is a sketch of
an idea for a new TV sitcom "128 Placenta
Place" , which is centered around a wacky southern
California abortion clinic and its fun loving tanned and
mellow staff. The chief medical officer of the clinic is
an older, somewhat senile, but quite lovable doctor (
possible actor Dick Van Dyke ).
His nurse is a
blonde ditzy hopeless incompetent ( possible actress
Pamela Lee Anderson). The owner of the clinic is a
ruthless cold hearted businessman who is interested only
in profit, reducing the number of poor minority children
in his exclusive ocean side community, and the
possibilities of fetal tissue research in improving his
sex life (possible actor Robert Logia ).
The scene is near Christmas and the center staff are gearing up for all the holiday activities (decorating, exchanging gifts, etc.) Nurse Pamela has volunteered to make a big batch of brownies for all to enjoy. She's turned one of the lab rooms into a makeshift kitchen complete with blenders, Bunsen burners, and an autoclave to serve as an oven. Of course she makes a big mess, getting flour and chocolate syrup all over herself and the lab. Halfway through the recipe she discovers that it calls for a handful of figs. Off she goes to wander the clinic in search of figs. She confides to another nurse that golly, she's never even seen a fig before. A second nurse tells her that they come in jars, and that Dr. Van Dyke once brought some homemade fig preserves from the fig tree in his yard. Meanwhile, Dr. Van Dyke and a helper are trying to empty the big stainless steel abortion vacuum cleaner. The helper wonders aloud, "Do we have a an old coffee can to dump this mess into?" Dr. Van Dyke scratches his head and suddenly says,"Take that old jar of fig preserves - its way to old to eat anymore, we'll dump this mess in there." Having done so the Dr. is paged on the intercom and hurries off ,while the helper puts the jar back on his bookshelf before he leaves too. In comes Nurse Pamela who wonders aloud,"Well here's the doctor's office, I wonder where he left those figs?" In due course she explores the bookshelf and finds the figs with a big grin. Later that evening at the office Christmas party everyone is having a great time, when Dr. Van Dyke suddenly claps for attention. "Staff, I'd just like to thank everyone that made this great party possible, and I'd like a special round of applause for the great cook that made these lovely brownies". While all are clapping, Dr. Van Dyke takes a big piece of brownie and wolfs it down. "Boy that's good, what's your secret?" he asks, putting his arm around her. She smiles, enjoying the praise, and says, "Well, the recipe called for figs." The doctor looks puzzled and asks,"Figs?"."Yep", she beams,"I used that old jar in your office." At this point, big laugh track as Dr. Van Dyke and his helper retch uncontrollably. Slow fadeout to theme music. The End Episode Two: Blackballed Owner Logia is rambling through the clinic one afternoon, cutting the usual lame jokes with the staff, playing grab-ass with Nurse Pamela, when he bumps into Dr. Van Dyke. "Hey doc", he calls out, "gotta minute ?" "Sure, Boss", replies the good natured doctor. Owner Logia moves closer and makes the universal gesture for silence, first finger help upward across lips. The doc nods his head toward his office door and they enter with the doc closing the door behind them. Owner Logia confides to Dr. Van Dyke that his sexual prowess isn't what it used to be, he's lost three girlfriends in as many weeks. The doc gives a worldly sigh of understanding and mumbles something like "Yeah, I know what you mean, as we get older it gets harder to perform like younger men." Quiet scene as the two men contemplate the awful truth. Owner Logia pipes up, "Say Doc, lemme ask you something. You're still doing a lot of black abortions aren't you ?" "Sure", the doc replies, "that's our main growth industry." The two men chuckle. After all,it was owner Logia's idea to offer discounts for black customers and to advertise in the small, but irritating, "wrong side of the tracks" section of town that supplies most of the maids and lawn maintenance workers to the very wealthy white community. Owner Logia leans closer to the doc and in a lowered voice says,"You know what they say about the sexual activity of our darker brothers don't you ?" Doc strokes his chin and mumbles something vague like "Yeah, I've heard rumors". Owner Logia says, "What say you take a mixture of ground up little black fetuses and inject it into my balls, you think that might help my sex life ?" Doc says, "Whoa, fetal tissue injections just aren't that simple.." Owner Logia interrupts, "Yeah, yeah, spare me the details, do you think it might work ?" Doc mulls this over, shrugs, and says, "We can give it a shot". Three weeks later..... Owner Logia struts into the clinic, proud as a peacock with two gorgeous babes on each arm. Nurse Pamela is green with envy. As he passes Doctor Van Dyke's office he pops his head in, "Hey Doc", those injections sure did the trick." The doc ogles the two babes and says, "Yeah, I guess so. Any problems or side effects ?" Owner Logia laughs and says, "Problems ? Yeah, getting enough zzz's at night with these two in the bed !". Babes grin and cuddle close to owner Logia. "Well, Doc, gotta run." Five weeks later..... A figure in a trench coat, broad brimmed hat and sunglasses slouches into the clinic and just barely manages to make it past the security guard who is momentarily distracted by Nurse Pamela adjusting her garter. He makes it down the hall to Doc Van Dyke's office and taps on the door. We hear "Come in" through the door. Figure checks the hallway and enters. Doc says, "Do you have an appointment ?" . Figure says, "It's me you asshole !". Doctor Van Dyke is taken aback, but then slow realization takes place as Owner Logia removes hat and sunglasses. Huge laughtrack as audience realizes changes. Owner Logia now has noticeably black skin, slightly kinky hair, and very fat lips. Doc is completely flustered. "Doc, you
gotta do something !", Owner Logia pleads.
Two weeks after that... Owner Logia and Doctor Van Dyke are playing golf on one of the many exclusive links in the area. Owner Logia's features are now back to normal. "How's your sex life now, Boss ?", Doc pipes up. Owner Logia does a slow burn and says "Fuck you, Doc". Fadeout with laughtrack and theme song.
The End
Do you have an idea for an episode of 128 Placenta Place? Send it to me! |
